my man wants to be a great husband but sometimes he doubts himself and needs
appreciation. if i make my husband feel appreciated, i get the most from him in return.
for her new
book, the surprising secrets of highly
happy marriages: the little things that make a big difference, author
shaunti feldhahn studied more than 1,000 married couples to find out what the
happiest ones had in common.
according to feldhahn's
research, five simple gestures can lead to marital bliss.
notice his effort and sincerely thank him
for it.
"most of us
think grateful thoughts but don't actually say thank you," feldhahn says.
"in my survey, this mattered to nearly all men, with 72 percent saying it
deeply pleased them when their wife or girlfriend gave them props for their
hard work. in fact, 'thank you' appeared to be the guy's equivalent of 'i love
you.'"
tell him he did a great job.
if saying thank
you will warm his heart, saying 'you did a great job' will melt him. inside
that oh-so-confident manly exterior, they are still those young boys anxiously
hoping their mom likes the vase they made at school. complimenting a man on a
job well done has a huge emotional impact.
talk about what a great guy he is.
feeling inadequate
is excruciating to a man. never let him hear you complain about him to friends
or family. instead, when you're out at dinner with other couples, tell them how
he pulled off an amazing surprise party for your birthday, or gush about how he
always takes the kids out on saturday mornings so you can sleep in. he may act
like it's no big deal, but on the inside he loves it.
let him know that you want him—and that he pleases you.
"you probably
won't be shocked when i tell you that men love sex," feldhahn says. "but you may be surprised to know a main
reason is emotional, not physical. in a very deep way, a guy needs to know that
his wife desires him. even better, he wants to know that he pleases her. so
don't just be willing - be enthusiastic. even simply initiating sex once in a
while says 'i want you' and touches your husband far more than
physically."
let him know he makes you happy.
"eighty-eight
percent of the guys said that it melted their hearts when their wife expressed
that he made her happy," says feldhahn. how to do it: "a big smile
when he walks in the door, a spontaneous hug when he says something sweet, or
even saying 'you make me happy' tells him he's doing well at this relationship
thing - and makes him want to do even better."
marriage advice for husbands:
hold
her hand.
it seems
like such a simple gesture - something that couldn't possibly matter that much.
but it does matter. holding a woman's hand subconsciously communicates that
your relationship is in a good spot and that you're feeling connected to her. so
reach for her hand while you're crossing the parking lot - and say a lot
without saying a word.
send a message that you're thinking of her.
the
next time you're checking sports scores on your phone (under your desk, out of
the boss's line of vision), take a second to text or email your wife. it says
she's on your mind even when your mind is on a million other things during the
day. women feel extra loved when their husband or boyfriend takes the time to
quickly text 'thinking about how much i love you' or a similar message.
pull yourself out of a funk instead of withdrawing.
there
are some times when a man needs space, but be careful how far you pull away. your
'mood' doesn't impact just you: it can make your wife or girlfriend feel
insecure about how you feel. making an effort to pull yourself out of that funk
and not giving her the cold shoulder reassures your wife at a very deep level.
physically connect with her in public.
next
time you're out at dinner with friends, put your arm around your wife, or rest
one hand on her knee. women love this type of gesture—it says, 'i love that
you're mine.'
tell her she's beautiful.
never
assume your wife knows that you think she's beautiful. women need to hear it, it
has a big emotional impact. sure, it's always nice to receive a compliment, but
a compliment from you
means something much deeper. plus, when someone speaks positively to you, it
makes you more positive toward the other person.'
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