THINGS TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR LOVE #4

in  things to talk about with your love #1,  things to talk about with your love #2  and  things to talk about with your love #3  i shared with you some interesting questions, which you could discuss with your partner or friend. 

as i promised, i brought you some more... 
.

• if you could choose to know everything about one topic, what area would you choose to be an expert?
  i would be an expert in pedagogy, not only because i'm going to be a teacher but also to be able to raise my kids properly so they would be happy and succesful.
  .
  

• how would someone be able to tell if you're happy? if you're sad?
  if i'm happy, i'm calm, feeling confident and i'm smiling. if i'm sad, my eyes look tired, i find myself ugly, i'm hasty, a 'little bit' agressive and/or i'm crying...
  .

• are you an organized person?
  i believe i'm very organized. i like to organize my work by priority and deadlines. i like to know exactly what i'm going to do for the day and the week. so i outline my tasks and organize my work load. by doing so, i can organize my time and work better.
  .

• if a fire destroyed your home and all of your belongings, what would you do? if you could take out three things before the blaze, what would they be? (assuming there is no one in the house at the time of the fire.)
  my laptop, the ring binder and my purse. in my laptop there are so many photos, videos, documents and study materials which i would really-really miss, in the ring binder are my official documents and the purse contains my ID and other cards. :)
  .

• does any particular season make you happier than others? if so, do you know why?
  summer. warm weather, popsicles, pool time, beautiful sunsets, nice scents, corn on the cob, wheat fields, poppies and larkfurs, grilling, watermelon, peaches, bike rides, shorts, ...
  .

• do you like your first name? have you ever wished you had a different name? what name would it be?
  i like my name because i was always the only dora in elementary school and also in high school. and my name has a beautiful meaning: god's gift.
  .

• what is the most thoughtful, caring thing you have ever done?
  forgot that somebody hurt me, been nice to them and don't hurt them back.
  .

• do you ever think that your partner gives more time, love and affection to a child, another family member or pet and it makes you jealous?
  no, never.
. 

• if you had to be a different nationality, what country would you like to have been born in? why?
  there are so many beautiful places on earth but i don't know any of them well enough to decide which country would be the best for me... :)

check this site: http://www.ifitweremyhome.com/   -  don't forget to reveal your location at the beginning!

"IfItWereMyHome.com is your gateway to understanding life outside your home. Use our country comparison tool to compare living conditions in your own country to those of another. Start by selecting a region to compare on the map to the right, and begin your exploration."

 

THINGS TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR LOVE #3

in things to talk about with your love #1 and things to talk about with your love #2 i shared with you some interesting questions, which you could discuss with your partner or friend. as i promised, i brought you some more...

 

? does public speaking frighten you? have you had much experience with it? 

? what sort of reaction do you have when you get very upset? 

? how do you typically handle the trauma from a big loss (death, getting fired, …)? 

? what is your typical reaction when someone criticizes you? 

? about what things are you most selfish? 

? do you think that you are able to calmly and wisely react in emergencies? 

? do you have a dream that repeats again and again? what is it? 

? what feeling do you have the most difficulty controlling? 

? what feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing? 

? how do you think i handle myself when i'm in a crisis situation?    

SEVEN SECRETS ABOUT MARRIAGE.

when i was younger, i’ve been dreaming about my wedding day. i was wondering what will married life be… we know married couples who have a beautiful relationship and we want to be like them, or we see spoiled marriages and say “we’ll never make the same mistakes…”

we all have an idea of what marriage is all about. we have dreams, hopes and expectations of what it will look like. but we don’t really know until we’re there, do we?

there are so many things in marriage i could have never fully imagined.

here are 7 things i have learned about it:

1. marriage is very-very intimate

why did we get married? because we wanted to share our lives with each other in a very intimate way. as humans we yearn to be close to another, to be fully known, and despite this, to be unconditionally loved. intimacy usually involves being honest with each other and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. because you know your spouse well and trust him/her not to hurt you. before marriage, i don’t think i grasped the real intimacy that comes with committing to this one person for the rest of my life. marriage is an amazing opportunity to allow another person a look inside your life, your mind, your heart and your very soul. now that is true intimacy.

2. marriage reveals selfishness

i didn’t know how selfish i was until i got married. things like apologizing and putting peter’s needs before my own are not so easy. it may seem difficult to put your needs aside and focus entirely on your spouse’s, but that trust and commitment is what will strengthen your relationship and allow you to feel and express love. this idea works best if both spouses are serving each other equally. my own saying about marriage is: ‘a good marriage is made up of a thousand small kindnesses.’

3. oneness literally means one

of all the mysteries of marriage, oneness strikes me as the deepest and most beautiful. one house. one bed. one bathroom. one mirror above the bathroom sink. one bank account. one budget… in marriage, you learn to let go of the “mine and yours” mentality, because everything is truly “ours.” there’s something really hard, but something really beautiful about that.

recently i talked to an engaged couple who described their relationship in delighted tones: "it's as if we're on the same wavelength about everything! we think the same way, have the same way of doing things, share the same dreams. it's amazing!" …i think, if this is oneness, it won't last. true oneness is based on the differences. one partner is a man, the other a woman, and that's just the beginning. one is sociable, the other reclusive; one likes a thick quilt for sleeping, the other a light blanket. and so on… how can two such opposites ever be one? might as well ask how a glove fits a hand. oneness arises from differences fitting together, from contrasts corresponding.

4. at some point, you will be disappointed

this one was a hard reality. my husband and i love each other deeply, but sometimes we also hurt each other deeply. when you allow someone to bury their heart in yours, there’s no doubt that one day, you will feel an ache. whether in the form of an unkind word, a thoughtless action or a selfish moment, marriage will hurt. each wound is a reminder of our need to love better and more deeply.

5. you will learn the meaning of forgiveness

the truth is, you lose a part of yourself within the glory of marriage. you exchange a little bit of who you are for a little bit of who your spouse is. you learn to give and take. you learn to let go of the things that don’t really matter. and in the end, you realize what you’ve given is far less than what you’ve ultimately received. love is good like that.

6. marriage will require you to learn how to communicate

no matter what your communication bent, marriage will require you to take a good hard look at your opinions, beliefs, ideas and feelings - and share them with another. it will cause you to answer the hard questions and speak the difficult truths. communication is the lifeline between two people. it will cause you to take responsibility for not just what you say, but how you say it - tone, body language, sarcasm and all. i have to admit, it’s very hard for me, i have still so much to learn. (i’m planning to write a post about this topic…)

7. love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a series of decisions

before marriage, you wear pink glasses and pink headphones… it seems to you that your feelings are getting stronger with each day. then one day you realize that feelings can’t really be trusted, because some days you feel you may not even like each other. feelings come, but feelings also go. the test of real love is what you do when you don’t feel like loving. marriage is constantly choosing to love, to give and to serve because of the commitment you have made. it’s choosing the other instead of choosing yourself. and here comes selflessness – you have to serve each other equally.

 

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS.

on april 20th my husband and i will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary. the first year of marriage is worth celebrating because it means we got through one of the most difficult years of marriage. it's also a chance to look back at your wedding day and assess how far you've come as a couple - and where you're going.
before our marriage, we lived in a long distance relationship. i must admit that this thing was not easy. but we have found that there are keys to keeping the romance alive, if both parties are willing and determined to make it work. 

once i wrote a post abou long distance relationships on my old blog. i would like to share it with you. it may help those who are in long distance relationships but also those in "ordinary" relationships...
if you follow these advices, you will be on the road to making your relationship last.

• define your relationship
  one of the first things you should do with your long-distance sweetheart is to agree on what the relationship will be going forward: both of you want a real and solid love affair? determining limits is one of the most inportant things. it will help ground the two of you if you know the boundaries of your relationship.
• dont´s for any LDR
  1. don’t rush things.
  you have only been together with your long distance boyfriend/gf for a week or a month, and you think he/she should be okay with your high expectations? rather be patient.
  2. don’t expect your bf/gf to always be reachable.
  don´t panic if they don’t answer their phone - it doesn’t mean it is a giveaway that your partner is cheating or ignoring you. he/she might be too busy to answer the phone or the phone is in a different room and your partner doesn’t hear it.
  3. don’t put yourself in situations where cheating might actually be tempting.
  although people in long distance relationships don’t cheat any more than people in same city relationships, cheating continues to be a big concern in LDRs. don’t hang around others that you know are into you or that you were interested in before you started dating your long distance bf/gf. don´t put yourself in any situation that might be suspicious if your gf/bf found out about it. you will save yourself a lot of trouble.
  4. don’t lie.
  tell your gf/bf where are you going out and with who, tell the truth about why you didn´t answer their phone, etc. lies are mostly come to light and then you may seem untrustworthy.
  5. don’t let them control your life, and don’t control theirs.
  for example, if you do not want to go to study to a school which is nearer to you bf/gf home, then don´t go just because he/she begs for that. or don´t want your bf/gf to do nice things for you. do nice things for them first. don’t make them do them. make them WANT to do them.
  6. do not have a “break.”
  i personally don't think having a break helps any relationship. nothing gets "fixed" and you return to the relationship with the same issues because you didn't work on them together; all you did was avoid them. problems have to be sorted out together… not apart. being able to successfully work out problems is a test for every relationship, and something you need to be able to do as a couple.
• trust each other don´t distrust someone, unless they have given you a reason to not trust them. have they cheated on you before? if not, then trust them. it´s that simple.
• respect your partner
  many people aren’t showing their partner as much respect as they should be.
  when the relationship is suffering, the feelings of the partner are overlooked, and you are only thinking about yourself - all you say is “me, me, me, me…” you may expect your partner to fulfill your every need and you feel that it is their right. now listen, your partner is only human they can only do so much and it would be impossible for them to meet your every expectation. they have lives outside of your relationship, just as you do, or should. when you feel you have been wronged in some way in your relationship, have an open mind – try to see things from your partner’s point of view. how would you feel if you were on the other side? you may come to realize that you may react or do the same as them, or at least you will be able to understand why they react they way they do. many times people will feel that their boyfriend or girlfriend does not care about them as much as they used to. this could be for various reasons. when their phone conversations become limited or short, people will feel that their bf/gf do not want to talk; they are the ones that stopped doing special things. but maybe they just feel there is not much to talk about and when they do get on the phone with you, you yourself don’t have much to say. maybe they stopped doing special things, because you don’t hardly ever return the favor.
  always take into consideration your partner’s feelings. you need to respect their their feelings before you attack them with words such as, “you don’t care about me anymore.” that can really hurt. so think about them next time and respect their feelings, by recognizing them and trying to do something about it, instead of expecting them to.
• be patient
  this one is tough! i personally am not a patient girl, and one of the hardest things for me in my LDR has been the waiting. i recommend that you find things to do here at home to occupy your time. if your career or your studies do not keep you busy enough, find a new hobby or maybe get involved in some volunteer work. the key is to avoid weighing down your long-distance conversations with whining or unrealistic demands because you are bored or missing the other person.
• give encouragement
  this one is so important. when you are in a LDR you may miss the supporting kisses or hugs from you loved one. so your partner does. therefore it is important to support your other half at least with encouraging words. it really helps a lot. i used to encourage my fiance when he is tired of studying or he doesn´t believe in himself. i´m learning to admire him as many times as possible. i´m also trying to let him know i am proud of him. he helps me a lot, too. when i was down, and unsuccessfully trying to prepare for my exams, it makes him feel good to be able to assist me. also he always encourages me when things aren´t going well, because he´s a big optimist.
  encouragement, assistance and praise work well over email, too. it's also a good idea to "smile over the phone" as much as possible. a good mood from you on days when your partner may be feeling especially needy can make both of you feel better. (thats one thing i´m no table to do when i´m in a bad mood. it´s sad...)
• do things to make your partner feel special
  try to think of something you can do everyday to show your partner that you care. this can be as little as saying “i love you.” or, “i love talking to you.” or even, “you make me happy.” those little things will make them feel great and it will give them reassurance.
• keep learning about each other
  do you feel sometimes you just don’t know what to talk about anymore? keeping the spark can be hard to do once a relationship’s newness has worn off. long distance couples use the phone/webcam a lot and have written hundreds of emails. what more can there possibly be to talk about? i can assure you, that there are things you don’t know about your partner, and you just haven’t realized it yet.
  sometimes our phone calls with p. were boring because we didn’t know what to say, except for the usual things going on in our lives. at the beginning of our relationship we were having interesting, intellectual debates, lasting long hours (9 hrs the longest) but nowadays because of the lack of time we ended to have such conversations.
  we found and downloaded an e-book, called 1000 Questions for Couples. i read some comments about it, and many people said it helped them tremendously. we haven´t discussed any of the questions yet, but as i saw, once they might be very useful and i think some of the questions might give us hours of conversation. :)
• plan for a future don’t enter a long distance relationship if you aren’t willing to have your life changed drastically. a relationship cannot remain long distance forever. a couple that has entered a long distance relationship must agree that they are in a committed relationship.
• communicate at a regular, but reasonable frequency some couples will talk for several hours per day. that isn’t right for everyone, in fact, that is quite extreme. but communicating once every couple of weeks is also extreme. if you can, try to communicate on a daily basis, and then figure out a reasonable amount of time you can each spend on the phone. some people’s lives may be busier than others, so the amount of communication in relationship can vary. consider not just your own schedule, but also your partner’s. at least call each day to say “goodnight.”
• don’t be afraid to show you’re afraid don’t be afraid to share insecurities or ask the questions you want to ask. communication should be open. your boyfriend/girlfriend is the best person to answer your questions or give you reassurance about any insecurity you may have about your relationship.
• don’t forget you have a life
  for some personalities, it can be easy to become consumed by your relationship. long distance relationships can consume a good amount of your time, but don’t lose your connections with other people in the process. make sure your long distance love life is balanced with your everyday life at home. it’s okay to tell friends “no” every once in a while when they ask you to go out with them if you are planning to spend time with your long distance boyfriend/girlfriend, but don’t say no every time. At the same time, don’t always choose your friends over your bf/gf.
• do have date nights
  set aside time for a date night every week. watch a movie together, eat the same meal, find things to do to interact online, or just chat it up for a longer amount of time than usual. just because you’re far away doesn’t mean you can’t have a date.
• other things you can do…
  send a handwritten letter, email a picture of yourself to them, send a small gift, take an interest in their interests. for example, maybe you saw an article online that you think they would enjoy reading. send it to them! having constant reassurance that you care about them and think about them all the time will mean a lot. this is something so simple to do. it’s actually so simple that once a couple feels comfortable and settled in their relationship they tend to forget how important it is to do these little things for their partner.
• lastly…remember the reason you are in this relationship. you love each other! and if you have love, then you can’t let distance destroy that. if you can overcome this, and make it to a point where you can finally live in the same home, then you will be able to overcome many other challenges you may face in the future. so for now, enjoy the small but great benefits that long distance can offer to your relationship including sweet reunions and better communication.
  
  
  xoxo

THINGS TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR LOVE #2

in things to talk about with your love #1 i shared with you five interesting questions, which you could discuss with your partner. as i promised, i brought you some more...

?  Do you ever pick up hitchhikers? Which type of people would you pick up?
?  How often do you think your gut feeling is correct? When can you remember that it was incorrect?
?  What one skill do you wish you had learned but haven't?

- i would pick up young hitchhikers with huge backpacks, because it would make my day brighter - to help someone, and i would be interested in their story: where did they come from, where are they going...
- most of the times, my gut feelings are incorrect, or...i don't even have a gut feeling. yes...that's sad given that i'm a girl... :P
- i wish i have learned to play the piano. i started to take classes, but the teacher was old and boring, so i quit after one year. (but after some years i learned a lot on my own, which is nice.)

THINGS TO TALK ABOUT WITH YOUR LOVE #1

you are probably aware that in many countries of the world the bride and groom don't really know each other before they get married. well, that actually happens in every country. :)
all of you surely know girls and boys, men and women who have been dating for years, then have been shocked to learn what their mate thought about sex, religion, careers, household work, money and the future.
couples could cut down on a lot of their clashes if they know more about their mate’s thoughts, beliefs and emotions. the best way to get to really know someone is with questions. 

i found a great book with a huge amount of questions for couples. some days ago, when i needed to spend some quality time with my husband (not just discuss “the weather and our jobs“), i opened the book and we started to discuss the questions. we were talking more than an hour. it was interesting, it was constructive, it was fun.

these were the questions:

? What things about me remind you of anyone from your past, either past sweethearts or good friends?
? What do you think are my talents? Do you think you have any of the same talents?
? How many physical fights have you been in? Do you usually start them? Why do you fight?
? Has anyone very dear to you died? How did you handle it?
? What are you most fearful of? How does that fear keep you from doing things you would like to do?

i will continue sharing some of the questions here, so you may discuss them with your partner or your friends.

have a great week! :)
xo 

LIFE LATELY.

our dear friends visited us on sunday. anka, ivan, peťo and our brothers jani and levi were here.
it was peter's birthday as well. we had a great time together. :)
unfortunately we don't have pictures from the afternoon, but we took some while we were waiting for the guests. 

and when the sun finally showed up, we went out for a walk on the danube shore, than had an amazing sherbet... ^^